Get all 40 Alex Reade Music releases available on Bandcamp and save 40%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Shopping Malls, Notes of Reassurance For The Inevitable Uphill Climb, minus boy, Scenes From The Countless Downward Spirals, if only i could, how to be alive, Sealife II, subtle reminders of a life, and 32 more.
1. |
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2. |
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you keep on coming up in conversations
and i hate it
i think i need to forget
i think i need to pretend
more than just the end
and you wanted me as a friend?
caught in a liminal space
it's criminal to stay
upside down, inside out
i've all but forgotten her face
unfamiliar place
if i'm gone, i'll see you around
this world was mine and yours
cliché, you would say
i should've tried a little more
tried to find a cure
i can't escape the smoke
all the words that she spoke
"it's complicated, i'm starting to hate it, maybe we're fading?"
caught in a liminal space
it's criminal to stay
upside down, inside out
i've all but forgotten her face
unfamiliar place
if i'm gone, i'll see you around
i don't know what you want from me
caught in a liminal space
it's criminal to stay
upside down, inside out
i've all but forgotten her face
unfamiliar place
if i'm gone, i'll see you around
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3. |
some would tell me
04:01
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honestly, i figured things would be better by now
but somehow i'm still in limbo
and i hate that, that we play by unspoken rules
like exes don't speak or meet for a drink
but we sung together just two weeks ago, did you forget that?
i guess you forgot that
i just thought that maybe you would have thought of me
i guess that you thought i wouldn't have thought of that?
i just thought that maybe you would have thought of me
i guess that you thought i wouldn't have thought of that?
some would tell me that you want me
some would tell me that you don't care, didn't care
but there's something 'bout the way
that you're acting like you hate me
ignoring me lately
and i've torn my head inside out
trying to work this out
you know your stuff is still here
don't say you've been busy
i know you've not
i know you've been spending all your time
listening to songs that we found together
songs that we sung together
and i'm not angry but I've got a limit
and if you're wondering my heart's still in it
just sick of getting drunk all alone
just sick of staring at my phone
i just thought that maybe you would have thought of me
i guess that you thought i wouldn't have thought of that?
i just thought that maybe you would have thought of me
i guess that you thought i wouldn't have thought of that?
some would tell me that you want me
some would tell me that you don't care, didn't care
but there's something 'bout the way
that you're acting like you hate me
ignoring me lately
and i've torn my head inside out
trying to work this out
and i know it's difficult
i know you find it hard too
but if we could just talk
i think that we would get along
and i know you'll find a reason to be alive
'cause i did, and if i can anyone can
some would tell me that you want me
some would tell me that you don't care, didn't care
but there's something 'bout the way
that you're acting like you hate me
ignoring me lately
and i've torn my head inside out
trying to work this out
some would tell me that you want me
some would tell me that you don't care, didn't care
but there's something 'bout the way
that you're acting like you hate me
ignoring me lately
and i've torn my head inside out
trying to work this out
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4. |
echo
03:55
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you've got me questioning myself
second guessing my second guesses
am i way too much to know?
did i say things i shouldn't say?
i'm getting tired of seeing reminders and memorabilia
just remembering breaks my heart
you can't trust me to be happy
i think i'd settle for feeling alive again
and this feeling, this echo, it won't go away
and i swear i've tried everything
i don't want to talk to your pictures anymore
they don't seem to talk back to me anyway
i just want to admit that i'm lost and not feel weird about it
but i don't wanna know real life
you can't trust me to be happy
i think i'd settle for feeling alive again
and this feeling, this echo, it won't go away
and i swear i've tried everything
and i know i've been dramatic
but i can't think about anything else
and i promise i'll try
if not for me, then for you
you can't trust me to be happy
i think i'd settle for feeling alive again
and this feeling, this echo, it won't go away
and i swear i've tried everything
and this feeling, this echo, it won't go
and i swear i've tried everything
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5. |
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oh you're just talking to somebody?
i didn't know that that meant nothing
but you say it like it's something
it's funny how you're rushing
is it rude to call you names behind your back?
i probably don't mean them but i'm bruised
i'm feeling i could lose my sanity
slowly creeping away from me
you think it's hard for you?
try living in our living room
oh, and you think it's hard for you?
try living while you're living too
i'm pretty sure you came to argue
and i just wanna feel like you're being straight with me
let me down easily
stop all this teasing me
just fuck someone else
and crush my heart already
i don't mean that
i'm just angry
you think it's hard for you?
try living in our living room
oh, and you think it's hard for you?
try living while you're living too
oh, you're still talking to somebody?
i didn't know that i meant nothing
did i mean nothing?
i probably meant nothing
you think it's hard for you?
try living in our living room
oh, and you think it's hard for you?
try living while you're living too
oh and she likes it when it's easy
call all the boys so sleazy
oh you can do no wrong
nothing happened all along
she said: you beat me down
and that's why i frown
and i'm not over you
but i swear i'm over you
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6. |
grateful
03:08
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it was june 2018
i was just glad to see you again
we got drunk listening to all these songs
for the time i felt understood
i had no idea just how you'd change my world
by the end of the month we had fallen in love
3 years later and I'm living in our home
and you're not here anymore
gotta say that i'm grateful
this is something i could wait for
but if i wait too long i could lose myself
living all alone
maybe i should move my home?
throw the pictures away but I'd lying
because I'm grateful
I don't want to be angry at you
but sometimes the things you do or don't do
drive me insane
living in my brain
where it always rains
always dark clouds
negative thoughts seem to stick around
gotta say that i'm grateful
this is something i could wait for
but if i wait too long i could lose myself
living all alone
maybe i should move my home?
throw the pictures away but I'd lying
because I'm grateful
gotta say that i'm grateful
this is something i could wait for
i could throw the pictures away but i'd be lying
gotta say that i'm grateful
this is something i could wait for
but if i wait too long i could lose myself
living all alone
maybe i should move my home?
throw the pictures away but I'd lying
because I'm grateful
I'm grateful but i'm feeling down
'cause obviously you're not around
I sometimes drive about our town
just to drown myself in sound
all the ones we found
put my feet back on the ground
i'd be lying if said i threw the photos out
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7. |
chemistry
03:47
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so you thought it'd be over now
you could finally for cry the last time
but you come home and it feels empty
but nothing really changed
somehow you keep on hoping
when it feels so dark and and eyes can't see anything
write all the words that you feel, is this even real?
has anything even changed?
she's got a hold on you
she's got a hold on me
and I feel like letting go
won't do me good
just get a hold on you
just get a load of me
and I feel like somehow
we've still got chemistry?
sometimes you get a bit crazy
like you forget that she's not the monster you fear
when you come home and see the photo frame
you remember she's everything you dream.
she's got a hold on you
she's got a hold on me
and I feel like letting go
won't do me good
just get a hold on you
just get a load of me
and I feel like somehow
we've still got chemistry?
singing with a songbird
i felt a heart breaking
lyrically speaking
where do I even begin?
she's speaking her feelings
sleepless I wonder all of the meanings
she's got a hold on you
she's got a hold on me
and I feel like letting go
won't do me good
just get a hold on you
just get a load of me
and I feel like somehow
we've still got chemistry?
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8. |
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Three years
Almost made it
See you in the next life
At the next bar
Oh I'll just lie
Saying dumb shit about how I'm fine
One more time
Infinitesimal chance
I could find you
You could find me
Broken lights
I can't just forget you
Feel like I’m walking so slowly
Time is heartbreak’s worst enemy
How long will it take to mend my heart again?
Oh
Wish I could
Mould my brain to you
Erase you
Even hate you
Oh no no no
Say there's something wrong with me
Is there something wrong with me?
I just can't forget you
I can't just forget you
Baby baby
Won’t be easy
Living without you
Baby baby
Will I ever
Be in love again?
Oh love again
Baby baby
Won’t be easy
Living without you
Baby baby
Will I ever
Be in love again?
Oh love again
How can I live a life
Without you in it
How can I run away?
When my heart is calling your name
How can I live a life
Without you in it?
How can I run away?
When my heart is calling your name
I still think about you now and then
Though I'll never see your face again
Face again
Tell me when
It's gonna end
I never said it better when I put it a letter
(but you know you'll never get her)
Yeah there's no end in forever
I can't see anyone else in the same light
If it feels right
I just might
Find a new fight
And I never said it better than I put inside that letter
(And I know I'll never get ya)
But that last kiss was everything
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9. |
twentyseventeen
03:38
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is there something wrong with me?
oh there must be
and i think i said it all but did nothing at all
you know how it is
and if there was a button to stop this existence
would you press it?
i think i probably would
'cause i haven't felt this way since
twentyseventeen
and i know that it'll get worse
it's like i'm dying for the hearse
every word i say
leaves me powerless
and i'm sorry
i'm sorry this wasn't permanent
permanent
you let yourself down
you let it slide
you're wondering if you wasted your life
you saw many things
but not this
but not this
and yeah, i know that i failed myself
you don't need to beat me up
inner monologues
to know that she is gone
'cause i haven't felt this way since
twentyseventeen
and i know that it'll get worse
it's like i'm dying for the hearse
every word i say
leaves me powerless
and i'm sorry
i'm sorry this wasn't permanent
permanent
maybe we could have built something together
like a pub or a club in the countryside
you warmed up my heart like a log fire
now where the hell did you go?
where the hell did you go?
'cause i haven't felt this way since
twentyseventeen
and i know that it'll get worse
it's like i'm dying for the hearse
every word i say
leaves me powerless
and i'm sorry
i'm sorry this wasn't permanent
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10. |
where are we now?
03:04
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1 side
confide
got something to say out loud
but we're not on the same ground
in more ways than one
just don't know what on earth i was thinking
maybe drinking's got me sinking and i
and i just can't stop asking myself
where are we now?
where are we now?
i've got no idea what i'd say to you
if you came around
i saw you in feburary
and fuck, you know it got to me
i was frozen
and i'm still broken
and i just can't stop asking myself
where are we now?
where are we now?
where are we now?
where are we now?
where are we now?
'cause i don't know
and when i sleep i see an alternate universe
where i'm not wondering
where are we now?
where are we now?
where are we now?
where are we now?
where are we now?
just wanna know
where are we now?
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11. |
undo
03:31
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you say "forget me" like i have a choice
i don't get to choose my love
i don't get to choose it
if souls were binded that's just how it is
but i think that i'm broken
i'm still broken
and it's been a few months now
is this the new normal?
my plain white
my standard
no more colours in my eye
i wish i'd told you you looked graceful
every day
my muse
my compass
no wonder i'm so lost
and i just wish i could undo it
i just wish i wasn't powerless
and i just want to be okay
and it's way too much to feel
i just wish this wasn't real
just want to cry myself to death
fuck everything
just let me drown in this
and i just fucking hate how it went
i just fucking regret every time i showed teeth
throw me to the wolves
don't let me near another person again
oh what's the point?
oh what's enough?
i can't bring myself to wonder it
and i'll try to get better but i don't know if i will
cause i thought i knew love
but then i met you
guess you could say you fucked me up
was it better when i didn't know anything?
was it better then?
and i'll try to get better but i don't know if i will
cause i thought i knew love
but then i met you
guess you could say you fucked me up
was it better when i didn't know anything?
was it better then?
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12. |
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i guess i'll sit still for a while
'cause i need to know what i'm feeling
my head's a mess and more or less
i just want wanna know what you're feeling
you left your shoes by the door
you don't live here anymore
can't keep asking if you're sure
i can put the words inside your head
but can't put me in your heart
i wouldn't know where to even start
somehow we're still oceans apart
just keep brushing me off
like I never existed
ever existed
still I'm existing
and it's exhausting
but I don't have a choice
i can't seem to find my voice
did I lose it in the noise?
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13. |
222222
03:10
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it's been a hot minute
since I wrote you
life is hard
always is
but I'm not just sitting around anymore
I'm trying to put myself out there
but out there is out where
we used to be
if you're wondering if i miss you
yeah i miss you
and i wonder if you miss me too
friday night
going outside
maybe I lied
maybe I wanna hide
but I can't keep sitting around anymore
just pretending I'm gonna get better
if you're there and I'm not there
what does that say about me?
if you're wondering if i miss you
yeah i miss you
and i wonder if you miss me too
lately I don't think I want to know
If you're doing fine then good for you
but I didn't choose this
and if you're wondering
if you're wondering if i miss you
yeah i miss you
and i wonder if you miss me too
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14. |
things i've been feeling
03:06
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it's not what I wanted
it's not what I'm feeling
crushing, remembering
repenting, severing
it's just some time on my own
a night on my phone
a seat in our home
but I'm alright
i'm alright
i just find that sometimes
on late nights
in city lights
yeah I get a little lonely yeah
yeah I miss when you would hold me, yeah
but it's just fine
i just find that my mind
complicates things most of the time
and I get a little lonely, yeah, yeah
but you know it's not that I don't want to see you
i just need some time for healing
drinking every time I think of you
i hate all these things I've been feeling
it's all that I wanted
it's only a feeling
excessive regressive
nothing else
it's just some time on my own
a night on my phone
a seat in our home
but I'm alright
i'm alright
just on the late nights
stuck inside
no signs
and I get a little lonely, yeah
yeah I miss when I was falling, yeah
but you know it's not that I don't want to see you
i just need some time for healing
drinking every time I think of you
i hate all these things I've been feeling
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15. |
am i the villain?
04:57
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when it's all said and done
i just wanna feel like you don't hate me
but somehow it feels like you do
and i just wanna say i'm sorry
i'm sorry i couldn't get better in time
but now i'm better
and yeah i regret it
but there's not much i can say
i just think every day of what i threw away
and the last time i got this drunk
i thought about killing myself
and i almost did
yeah, i almost did
and i'm not proud of it
but i wear it
like a badge
because without that
i know i wouldn't have come this far
i fixed myself up
i fixed the flat up
and i don't wanna die anymore
and some days are worse, but
i don't think they're as bad as before
and yeah i wish that you would come back
and i'm sick of lying about it
and everyone tells me that you're the villain
and i can't help thinking that i'm the villain
am i the villain?
am i the villain?
am i the villain?
am i the villain?
am i the villain?
am i the villain?
am i the villain?
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16. |
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i don't understand this
i thought we might be alright by now
and all that i wanted
was all that i had
all that i had
and you still haven't been by
i've been theorising like a madman
pretending that this could still work out
she said it's best if you be on your own
and i felt my heart split in two
and i just want to be with you
but you cast me into the blue
some day, we'll find our way
and i just want to hear you say
i love you, i love you, i love you, too
it's been over 2 months now
why am i not mending?
been losing myself obsessing
over time you're spending
and it's impossible to understand my own mind
i keep thinking there's something wrong with me
maybe there is
maybe there is
she said it's best if you be on your own
and i felt my heart split in two
and i just want to be with you
but you cast me into the blue
some day, we'll find our way
and i just want to hear you say
i love you, i love you, i love you, too
i've tried to theorise my way back to sanity
but i don't think it's that easy
trapped in a cage
stuck on a page
reluctancy sets the stage
she said it's best if you be on your own
and i felt my heart split in two
and i just want to be with you
but you cast me into the blue
some day, we'll find our way
and i just want to hear you say
i love you, i love you, i love you, too
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17. |
me
05:00
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i don't really want to commit to this
'cause i might not see it through
i'm not known for breaking promises
except when there's a "me and you"
and i fight the notion of change
like it'll kill me if i get too close
and now i'm getting close
but i might not see it through
i'm alright
i'm alive
yeah i'll try
just this one time
yeah maybe i'll feel it
like the sunshine on your face
a welcoming warmth
i haven't felt in so long
and i'm not ready
to sing about being fine
but these are messages to a future self
i'm just looking out for your health
i'm alright
i'm alive
yeah i'll try
just this one time
i'm alright
i'm alive
yeah i'll try
just this one time
i'm alright, i just felt like the world collapsed for a moment
and it feels strange, like somebody switched the film and started it from the middle
but maybe i can make sense of all this mess and there'll still be a happy ending
i think i'd like that
so maybe i'll see it through
maybe i'll see it through
oh maybe i'll see it through
oh maybe
yeah, maybe
i guess there's someone i could save
i guess there's something i could save
i guess there's someone i could save
i guess it's me
i guess it's me i've gotta save
i guess there's something i could save
something i could save
i guess there's someone
i guess there's someone
i guess it's me that i could save
i guess it's me
i guess it's me that i could save
yeah, it's you that you could save
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18. |
closing thoughts
02:24
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is this the part when i forget you?
the part when i leave you behind?
is this the part when i forget
the part when you broke my heart
and if there's something i can say
i've hated feeling like this
it's all i've wrote about
and it's something i won't miss
is this the part when i find someone?
the part when i'm not alone?
the part when winters are less cold
and the part when i mend my heart
and ooh
i just wanted to fly
but someone clipped my wings
and left me behind
now there's hope all in my head
and tangles in the strings
and all i want
is to feel a single thing
is this the part where i'm okay?
the part where somehow i'm still alive?
the part when drama seemed llike drama
but a part where i survived
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Alex Reade Music Hatfield, UK
I am a Producer / Composer from Hertfordshire, UK. I create all kinds of different music. Here you can preview and download all my releases under all my different projects.
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