Get all 40 Alex Reade Music releases available on Bandcamp and save 40%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Shopping Malls, Notes of Reassurance For The Inevitable Uphill Climb, minus boy, Scenes From The Countless Downward Spirals, if only i could, how to be alive, Sealife II, subtle reminders of a life, and 32 more.
1. |
how to be alive
02:22
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can't say i'm alone now
i don't feel like enough though
not constantly breaking down
just freaking out about different things
and it's my fault i said that i'm okay
same old shit on a different day
how are you? i'm not too bad
but i left out the part where i'm still sad
something in the air is bringing me down
it's just the way i woke up with no one around
and i'm trying not to drink but some days it's hard
some days it's hard
and it's my fault, i thought that i was okay
some things improved
some stayed the same
how are you? i'm sleeping much better
slowly forgetting of my unsent letter
don't speak to me about how to be alive
don't speak to me about how to be alive
don't speak to me about how to be alive
don't speak to me about how to be alive
don't speak to me about how to be alive
don't speak to me about how to be alive
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2. |
when i break
03:23
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slowly reintegrating
coming back to life
it's all by design
spent more time with callum and zoe
when i'm lonely
oh disown me
but i just can't seem to shake
how when i wake
seems like a mistake
and i spoke to sam about being beat down
he told me it's all about confidence now
i'll sort myself out
when i break
don't want to drag you down with me
when i break
i disappear from time to time
when i break
i might need a wider space
when i break
when it all gets too much
i'd like someone there for
when i break
seems like it's quieter now
almost like i can breathe deeply
and i try to see more of those that i love
if i'm honest i worry i'm too much
i worry too much
when i break
don't want to drag you down with me
when i break
i disappear from time to time
when i break
i might need a wider space
when i break
when it all gets too much
i'd like someone there for
when i break
when i break
don't want to drag you down with me
when i break
i disappear from time to time
when i break
i might need a wider space
when i break
when it all gets too much
i'd like someone there for
when i break
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3. |
night song
03:37
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sunday night is coming
brace yourself
sunset like an apocalypse
tint the world all rose
i survived last time
i don't know why
is there a plan?
i don't think there is
and ooh
i just want time to pass faster
with you
i shouldn't live in the past
but oh i do
nostalgia's got a hold on me
so i'll just wait out this night
i'm used to it now
another night is here
haven't said a single word out loud
just for fun i thought about dying
and how long it'd take to be found
i don't think i'm serious
i'd have done it by now
but i admit
the thought crosses my mind
from time to time
and ooh
i just want time to pass faster
with you
i shouldn't live in the past
but oh i do
nostalgia's got a hold on me
so i'll just wait out this night
i'm used to it now
just talk about it
think about it
just don't hurt yourself without it
find a way to dance around it
slowly you'll forget about it
cause these nights
and these fights
they'll try to bring you down
but if you're honest with yourself about it
you know you're better than this
can i be better than this?
ooh
i just want time to pass faster
with you
i shouldn't live in the past
but oh i do
nostalgia's got a hold on me
so i'll just wait out this night
i'm used to it now
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4. |
another life
03:38
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this is where i am
i don't love it
but i can't change it
losing friendships is inevitable
to grow you've got to drop some leaves
and i'm getting used to goodbye
finality isn't all that satisfying
i thought i'd have more to say
but all my pessimistic self can think is
oh, i will meet you in another life
and oh, maybe i will get it right then
but sometimes things don't work out
(it's how it has to be)
and honestly i wish i they could
it is what it is
i'm not trying to be defeatist
but i don't know how much energy
i can put into this regularly
it it what it is
and i thought you'd have more to say
but ghosts like you don't give away
a position on condition on just any day
i'm just projecting
it's just sad that you're not protecting
everything, yeah
oh, i will meet you in another life
and oh, maybe i will get it right then
but sometimes things don't work out
(it's how it has to be)
and honestly i wish i they could
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5. |
bloom
03:17
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you feel like spring
i'm in bloom
feeling things again
feels so good
was a broken string
lost vibrations
slow rotations
everything else
left in my head
whole days in bed
let my love
bloom
let my love
bloom
you saw how i felt before
and i don't miss it anymore
yeah
now it's spring
we're in bloom
seeing colour again
seems so new
seems like you
want this to
bloom
let this love
bloom
was a broken string
lost vibrations
slow rotations
and how i pray
that some day
we could bloom
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6. |
bad friend
04:46
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i feel like a bad friend
someone i tried to be just wasn't me
i shut my mouth
when i could say worse
i don't write back when you write me
i try to spite the things you don't do
it's not always on purpose
and you know i have love for you
i do
and here and there i could use being called out
like when i got pissed over dinner
i know why
everything i love seems to die
but i can't change things
it's always the same thing
i feel like a bad friend
i feel like you're a bad friend
you rearrange priorities so comfortably
i don't know if nearly 10 years
means we take for granted
but i've got a case study
and i don't like the results
i know why
everything i love seems to die
but i can't change things
it's always the same thing
i feel like a bad friend
i know why
everything i love seems to die
but i can't change things
it's always the same thing
i feel like a bad friend
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7. |
how to love
03:38
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hey
how've you been?
i know it's been a while
since we last talked
i know you won't write back
you probably won't hear this
but if it's all the same to you
i thought i'd check in
the worst is behind me
but sometimes it feels like the best is too
this morning i remembered an in-joke
and the way you'd do a voice to tell it
i've moved past the constant reminders
and put all the holidays and concerts behind us
and looking forward i'm hopeful at best
That one day it will rain and it won't feel lonely
but it might surprise you
that i've still not learned
how to love
and it still seems like
all the days are somehow darker
even in july
i've not learned
how to love again
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8. |
||||
ever feel like you're out of options?
like you tried everything you've seen
and i've been searching on 3 different search engines, yeah
i'm learning i'm bitter and distant these days
maybe this one
is gonna be the one
to get rid of 'gone'
from my vocabulary
do you want to feel alive?
'cause it's too late, you can't find
a real connection
can you love your reflection?
so i feel like i'm out of options
am i begging and choosing here?
and i've been getting just a little bit more estranged
every day it's like i'm just a touch more deranged
do you want to feel alive?
'cause it's too late, you can't find
a real connection
can you love your reflection?
if all this in my head
tell me
why i'm alone in bed
still
do you want to feel alive?
'cause it's too late, you can't find
a real connection
can you love your reflection?
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9. |
make you better
02:05
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live your life
but not too much
and please don't touch
i said don't touch
why are you so unhappy?
just be a bit more happy
drink a bit more
go and do some fucking drugs
go and find someone you could die for
yeah i know loneliness sucks
but the internet told me
that someone could
someone could
make you better
make you better
someone who
won't hurt you
and makes you wetter
no upsetter
i just want to find myself
and fix my health
i'm not thinking about wealth anymore
maybe i should
self preservation
never got me anywhere
but the internet told me
that someone could
someone could
make you better
make you better
someone who
won't hurt you
and makes you wetter
no upsetter
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10. |
mum
03:49
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Early 2000s, just my sister, you and I
Calculators in a store where we can't buy
Everything we need
Every single deed
They don't go unnoticed
Daisy chains, memories are never gone
You and my sister went to go and get the dog
All of the time we drove you right around the bend
But you're with us despite everything
And she said
Oh I'm so proud of you
And I just cried in the bathroom
Sometimes when I feel a little lost
She shows me who I'm meant to be and send me on my way again
Don't know where I'd be
Don't know who I'd be without my mum
I'm still the same just as I used to be
Just want to give you reasons to be proud of me
Only yesterday at a family dinner
I felt like a winner
'Cause she said
Oh I'm so proud of you
And I just cried in the bathroom
Sometimes when I feel a little lost
She shows me who I'm meant to be and send me on my way again
Don't know where I'd be
Don't know who I'd be without my mum
I don't get to say this enough
I'm glad you've been the mother for us
Cause I just don't know who I'd be
Who I'd be
Or where I'd be without you
And she said
Oh I'm so proud of you
And I just cried in the bathroom
Sometimes when I feel a little lost
She shows me who I'm meant to be and send me on my way again
Don't know where I'd be
Don't know who I'd be without my mum
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11. |
quiet
02:56
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12. |
vancouver
03:58
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i hear it's nice this time of year
i looked the weather up today
and part of me still wishing i was going
and i'd be there soon
but it's not meant to be and that's okay my darling
i had best of nights with you
i pain to say i hurt you
i feel like i let myself down
and in some ways i wish i never met you
if only not to hurt you
if only not to break your heart
i'm sorry i never made it
i'm sorry i never made it
to vancouver
somewhere across that ocean
if you hate me i hope it helps you
but i realised i never thanked you
for the light you put in the sky
i learned i've got to bleed sometimes
get swept by the emotional tides
i had my own resentment
but sour taste's no replacement
i pain to say i hurt you
i feel like i let myself down
and in some ways i wish i never met you
if only not to hurt you
if only not to break your heart
i'm sorry i never made it
i'm sorry i never made it
to vancouver
say i'm not the one
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13. |
demons
04:10
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sometime in the third or fourth lockdown
i was on my seventeenth or eighteenth breakdown
things had just fallen apart
she had broken my heart
and i said 'let's go to the city'
manchester always looked pretty
but all lonely and feeling shitty
i think it hit different
somewhat less vociferant
i still think about it a lot
i think you'd kill me if you knew
how much i cling to the past
and i'm not moving faster
like i probably should
just need a moment to recalibrate
find my bearings
correcting course
gone from just chilling
to near three years later
and i'm still playing catch-up from 2019
singing 'bout permanence
i don't prefer my loneliness
i just want to make that clear
what's it like on the rich side of town?
does everybody look at you like a demon?
i thought you'd never be caught dead
living downstairs from those you thought wouldn't want you there
what's it like back on my side?
well the neighbour's still loud but i drown it out
would i be crazy to move
when i got nothing to lose?
sometimes it's like you never left
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14. |
relate (with Sam Baird)
03:46
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Late out of bed again
Too much time with the glass
Maybe there's something on there that can make me happy?
You'd think I'd have found it by now
And I've got friends but I don't wanna see them right now
My anxiety tells me they wouldn't want to see me either
Understandable, just how I like it
Understand, this isn't how I wanted it
If you could stop drinking
Break the overthinking
Save your heart from sinking
Maybe you'd be alright
It's not that easy, baby
Listen to the influencers
Going kinda crazy lately
Maybe I can relate
And I've been driving
More than usual
Just to try and lift my mood
Just to try and improve
My mental health
Ain't what it used to be
And who the fuck are you to speak?
Yeah, I probably need therapy
But I'm quite content as I am
If you could stop drinking
Break the overthinking
Save your heart from sinking
Maybe you'd be alright
It's not that easy, baby
Listen to the influencers
Going kinda crazy lately
Maybe I can relate
I got another regret but it's over time dilated
I don't know if I felt it in the evening or the morning
So I lay in bed but I got no reason to stay
Which feels like reason enough right now
Please try to understand
I need to be left a little while
If you could stop drinking
Break the overthinking
Save your heart from sinking
Maybe you'd be alright
It's not that easy, baby
Listen to the influencers
Going kinda crazy lately
Maybe I can relate
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15. |
heavy
05:38
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stuck inside a loop that i can't change
fucking it up? oh give me a break
hey, are you doing okay, are you sleeping alright?
no of course not
am i stuck inside my own head?
saying the same thing
over and over
over and over
i just want to sing about something not heavy
'cause it's all i've done
for the last 9 months
last 9 months
and i know
i just need to sing about something not heavy
for my mental health
my mental health
how can i get it to where i just know what i need
if don't know what i need
i don't know what i need
she gave me space and time i'm still pissed that she'd leave
wrote a bunch of song just to grieve
i think i need a little reprieve
i keep on making sounds
one of them might turn it around
just not this one
should i be more than i am?
should i be further by now?
oh fuck off with the overthinking
i just want to sing about something not heavy
'cause it's all i've done
for the last 9 months
last 9 months
and i know
i just need to sing about something not heavy
for my mental health
my mental health
i just want to sing about something not heavy
'cause it's all i've done
for the last 9 months
last 9 months
and i know
i just need to sing about something not heavy
for my mental health
my mental health
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16. |
love to be alive
03:54
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there's something nice about
being around people who love to be alive
or at least seem to be that way
i wish that i could feel that way
just ephemeral feelings
whiplash has me reeling
counting marks on the ceiling
how is this living?
and i've been socialising
slowly realising
just how all of my hiding
has reality subsiding
do you know how that feels?
should i tell you how it feels?
still find myself writing
about how i'm fighting
if i can't put all this behind me
it's likely no one will find me
hidden away
if i bleed
i might leave
but all i need
is here
it's crazy i know
a martyr for show
do i even want to be put in the ground
is there something to wait out?
a party i'm late for?
all things considered i guess should stick around
there's something nice about
being around people who love to be alive
i'll try to feel that way
but i can't promise anything
if i swear i'll do better
can i have a moment to breathe?
after everything after that one spring
i didn't think i could love to be alive again
i didn't think
no i didn't think
no i didn't think
i could love to be alive again
and i'll try to feel that way
and i'll try to feel that way again
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Alex Reade Music Hatfield, UK
I am a Producer / Composer from Hertfordshire, UK. I create all kinds of different music. Here you can preview and download all my releases under all my different projects.
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